Feeling rather maudlin today

Not sure if it’s the whole Dia de los Muertos thing, or more overwhelm from dealing with my Dad’s estate, feeling like I am totally alone in the world now– no parents to watch over me, no kids to distract me– like I’m the end of the line. Or the middle, floating with nothing to hang onto.

To top it of my boss’s mom just had a stroke, so I’m here listening to him talk on the phone.

“It’s ok Mom, Laurie and I are taking care of everything. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

And she is comforted. And it strikes me. Who is going to take care of me when I get old and dotty?

So I think about this quote from the movie “American Beauty.” The character Lester says in voice over:

Remember those posters that said, “Today
is the first day of the rest of your
life?” Well, that’s true of every day
except one.
(a beat)
The day you die.

It sounds good, makes an impact and all but it is not true. Even the day you die is the first day of the rest of your life. The rest of your life is just very very short.

All this thinking makes me jittery, like I need to get out and do something crazy, move to Alaska or cash out my savings and to hell with sticking around here and hoping the real estate market bubble will burst enough so I can afford to buy a house.

And just in case you’re curious, Merriam Webster Online defines maudlin as:

1 : drunk enough to be emotionally silly
2 : weakly and effusively sentimental

Etymology: alteration of Mary Magdalene; from her depiction as a weeping penitent

Yup, maudlin is a good word. Especially for Dia De Los Muertos.

2 thoughts on “Feeling rather maudlin today

  1. What do you think about doing your own Day of the Dead and celebrating your dad? You could make a little shrine or write a piece about what he meant to you, there’s all kinds of things we should do when we want to celebrate life. But don’t worry, when you’re dotty I’ll be there we can roll up to each other at the Senior home in our chairs when we’re out for our daily sun with the Canadian Goose and talk about the old Techniquelle days and how we were such firecrackers! Then we’ll make some tea, in the TQ teapot 😉


  2. I feel that very same way when I realize I am in charge and I have no one else to rely on. But then I remember my friends and, as sad and lonely and anti-social as I am feeling, I pick up the phone and say, “I’m feeling weepy! What do I do?” and one of them always talks me down from the ledge.I don’t always comment here but I do read your blog, Jenn. Thinking of you and wishing you well.


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