New toy, way to distract, to avoid doing the work that must be done:
This is a word cloud of my newest essay, currently titled “Fragments of my Father”
In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
When my Dad died, in addition to inheriting a condo that needed a lot of work, and a lot of personal business that had been unattended for many years, my Dad left what I consider a huge collection of DVDs. Although my Dad had an ecclectic collection, and his taste ranged from classic dramas to action movies, most of the DVDs were not what one would call “chick flicks.”
My sister and I had no idea what to do with them, and for some reason rather than just dump them at the Goodwill, we boxed them up and shipped them to us with the other things we wanted to save.
I had this great idea to donate these movies to “the troops,” but I had no idea how to go about doing this.
Until my co-worker turned me onto Operation Interdependence.
So instead of just donating the DVDs, I had to make a big project out of it and create a whole website about it. Check it out here, CaptainSimpsonsDVDs.com. I guess I really am a geek!
Maybe not really blue, but definitely out of sorts. Is it winter? the holidays? Or one more step in the grieving process… post holiday blahs? post vacation (I have a boring life) blues?
We are almost done closing up my Dad’s estate. For our trip to Hawaii, Debby and I were able to use my Dad’s US Air air miles for a free trip (did YOU know you can inherit miles?). When we got home the lawyer told us that the IRS is going to forgive the penalties and interest they wanted to extract from us. So that’s good news, right?
Somehow it makes my Dad’s death all the more real. Finalizing makes things, well, final.
It is time to move on, I feel it. And even though in some ways having all this paperwork pending keeps me closer to my Dad, I know it’s closer in a thoroughly unhealthy way. I’m just not entirely sure how to push through. I have projects of my own I am not working on. Writing I am not doing. So if anyone has any tips, or recommendations for a good therapist, let me know. 🙂
DOH! I totally didn’t put the two together… the way I felt yesterday.
It’s so damn complicated. I miss my Dad and I’m so angry at the mess he left us.
And I miss my Dad.
Sorry I’ve not posted lately…. I don’t really know to whom I am apologizing, the universe? the internets? the 3 people that read my blog? (Hi Leah, Joe, Sheila). Part of the “posting problem” is that I am on deadline to finish my book. Now lest ye get all excited thinking I have a publishing contract or something (I wish) the deadline is to submit a “whole” draft to my fellow writers — and the professor– who will be teaching the Master Class at the Taos Summer Writing Conference in July. I have been accepted into the class, limited to only 6 attendees, and with the expectation that said attendees have a ‘whole” draft of their “novel length” piece ready for critique. HA HA HA…. what was I thinking? I’m writing at a snail’s pace of 2 pages per week, and even turning those in late to my own Read and Critique group. I have 128 pages. Make that 130…. I should have 200 pages of “Reconstructing My Mother.” My deadline is May 18 to be postmarked. No exceptions.
Like I said. WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Oh yeah, I’ve been depressed. April 15 marked the one year anniversary of my father’s passing… not to mention the fact that I OWED the flipping IRS and I am totally broke and feeling completely pathetic and depressed and lonely and ugly even though everyone keeps saying how great my hair looks and my new glasses and “are you SEEEING someone…” yeah. right. did I mention that I was depressed?
In conclusion. I have a book to write. I just stopped in to say hello.
I still want a cigarette. I quit last Friday. Mostly. I’ve had a couple since I quit. Oh well. I’m doing fairly well all things considered. Is there ever a good time to quit?
Last month we (my sister and I) finally got my Dad’s condo on the market… it took a long time to clean it out, and then we fixed it up a little, which of course cost more and took longer than we had planned… but we got it on the market. Our first offer after a week on the market was for 30K under the asking price. AND they wanted us to pay closing costs. What the buyer didn’t know is that we were not desparate. Yet. So we waited. And yes, gone are the days of homes on the market for 2 days and bidding wars, and such, but a month later we got another offer.
Today we accepted the offer for our Dad’s condo. For the asking price, except they want us to pay 5K towards closing costs. So, instead of waiting longer, paying another real estate tax bill, and more HOA fees that are outrageous ($540 / month) we accepted the offer. So keep your fingers crossed for us. We need to be done with this. Get the IRS off our backs, settle my Dad’s estate and be done. And yes, it feels good, but also, it made us sad today. So we cried.
And I wanted to go smoke. Even though many of my Dad’s health problems were directly related to his smoking, I wanted to smoke. How sick is that?