and the hits, they keep a comin’

So now I find out I didn’t get a Leo Love Merit scholarship to the Taos Writers Conference.

No word about the Room of Her Own Foundation scholarship yet, but so far what I have is:

1. Public Radio Talent Quest. Rejected. but seriously, congrats to the round 1 winners
2. Leo Love Merit Scholarship. Rejected.
3. Room of Her Own scholarship… pending… but not hopeful at this point
4. Story submitted to CommonTies.com … pending… won’t know until the 22nd

So think happy thoughts. Not sure if I can take 4 rejections in a row. Or at least this close together.

Anyone have any tips on how to toughen up? to not let this stuff get to you? to keep plugging away regardless? to get up and do it again tomorrow and the next day? or how do you know when you’re just kidding yourself?

I’m not the next NPR star

yet.

Well, thanks everyone for your votes. The voting has closed. The judging is over. And I did not make the list of top 100 vote getters at the public radio talent quest… nor did I make the list of entries nominated by more than one judge.

I only listened to 200 entries. A few stinkers, a lot of really good entries and a couple of Wows. There is an amazing group of talented people over there at the public radio talent quest. I’d like to think that I made it to the list of 200 entries that were passed on the judges. I don’t know if that is true or not, but I learned a lot in pursuing this.

First and foremost, why not me? In this case I don’t know. Many of the entries were prepared by real live radio professionals. I’m not saying that in a sour grapes kind of way, it’s an honest appraisal. I think I held my own. I learned a lot about putting together a small piece. I got a little more practice using my recording equipment, and using a sound editing program. Although my idea about Creativity Is has been percolating for a while… this project forced me to distill it, formulate the words, and articulate what I was trying to say. What I can still say.

And I know for sure that I would not have won if I had not entered. Ya gotta play to win, right? This is big for me… to actually put stuff out there. To give it a shot. I have to say I am really proud of myself for trying, giving it my best shot.

And you know the adage, “Be careful what you wish for you just might get it….” In this case, it probably is a good thing I did not win. How demanding will Round 2 of the contest be? Round 3? I have a job. A good paying job that I enjoy very much. And I am writing a book. And there are still only 24 hours in a day last time I checked. 6-8 hours for sleeping. 8 hours for work, and 8 hours for friends, family, eating, hanging out, writing, recording, movies, reading, etc.

So, I’ll continue noodling around with audio, working with my friend Rich to produce his short story, work on something audio of my own, or with other fellow writers… maybe I’ll make more sound sculptures, layers of words and music, pieces that wouldn’t really fit into a public radio show format, like this piece called “F_ck, Pause.” https://akajesais.com/soundprints/f_ck.mp3
it may be offensive (I warned you) I was in a weird mood.
OR

Maybe I’ll go ahead and produce a show, Creativity Is, and podcast it, or submit it to public radio via the Public Radio Exchange. Or not.
Oh the ideas they are a flowing….

I can’t believe I ate the whole thing

Yesterday marked a huge milestone for me. I managed to cobble together all my various and asundry essays and stories into a FIRST DRAFT. And, I managed to get it all printed (167 pages) copied– double sided and three hole punched– and mailed out to the participants for the master class at the Taos Writers Conference this July.
As I stood there at Kinkos watching the copy machine spit out pages of my manuscript I cried. I don’t know why. It’s happy tears, sad tears, woulda shoulda coulda tears, if only I had another day tears, am I ready to move into the revision stage tears…. how will my manuscript stack up next to everyone else’s tears. And now what am I gonna do tears.

In fact, this last month has been so hectic and insane I feel like I’m coming down from a big high. I managed to get two scholarship applications (May 1st deadline and May 15th deadline) done (for the Taos workshop) and submitted my audio audition for the public radio talent quest (May 14th deadline) and finally the whole draft of my manuscript submitted for workshop, deadline May 18th.

So now what? Well, I still have my local read and critique group. I have two chapters that I sort of just put placeholders in for the “whole draft” so I can write those…. and I’m working on some more audio stuff. And I have 8 books to read between now and July 7…. the manuscripts from my fellow workshop attendees AND the two books Greg Martin has assigned: Pharaoh’s Army by Tobias Wolf and Fierce Attachments by Vivian Gornick.

and maybe I’ll just go back to sleep….

too much to do. too overwhelmed.

Why does everything happen at once??

I’m so overwhelmed right now, I must take a blog break…

So, I’ve got the Taos Writers Conference coming up. I’m signed up for a master class with Greg Martin (am I crazy? don’t answer that) I SHOULD have a “whole draft” of my memoir, “Reconstructing My Mother.” What I have is a messy 170 some pages. If I force a square memoir into a round peg does that make it whole?
Deadline Friday, May 18.

If that weren’t enough I’ve decided this is the year of WHY NOT ME? What that means is that I have to do the things I think about doing… like apply for two merit based scholarships for the Taos Writer Conference… because, why not me? I mean if I don’t apply, I certainly will not get a scholarship, right? The first scholarship, sponsored by A Room Of Her Own Foundation, due May 1. Done. The second, the Leo Love Merit Scholarship, due May 15. Sending tomorrow.


The Public Radio Talent Quest
And then there’s the Public Radio Talent Quest. I had to enter that! And maybe I flubbed it, didn’t tell enough about myself… didn’t describe the piece well enough on my entry, Creativity is, but I did it. All in the name of Why Not Me? Well I have a 10 in 1300 chance of making to the next round. Maybe a little better because honestly I think my entry was better than some. If you feel compelled, please do go vote for me (note, you’ll have to register, but my entry is only 2 minutes long.). One of the 10 spots will be determined by votes.

So now I’m down to the thing that I should have been focusing on all along, putting together my “whole draft.” And instead, I blog! Is this some form of self-sabotage? am I afraid to write? to succeed? or am I just crazy? don’t answer that.

PS: shit. I inadvertently posted this post onto the Taos Writers Conference blog that I have been invited to participate on. thank god I caught it in time and deleted it. Totally inappropriate to self-promote over there! whew.

PS #2. I also want to submit a story for the Common Ties Story blog. Deadline on open themes May 15.

What about that radio show?

Of course I should be working on my book… but I have 6 more days to generate 60 pages. Cake, right? hah!!

Anyway, Regarding my Audio Audition over at the Public Radio Talent Quest…. Creativity is… you may recall my mini doculogue movie from a while ago of the same title I used some of that audio and re-worked it, laid down a background music track — me on guitar, Julie on harmonica– and framed it with some commentary:

When you think of creativity, of people you consider creative, if you’re like most people you think of artists: writers, painters, sculptors, poets, dancers,
… musicians

maybe you even think of crafters, you know, those people in your life that can take a piece of string and a paperclip and with McGyver like skill turn it into something useful like a doorstop, or a potholder.

Now I can hear you shaking your head even before I make this next statement, but…
I believe EVERYBODY is creative.

Yeah.
Really.

Everybody.

Even you.

You probably just don’t recognize what you do as creative.

That’s where I come in.

Come along with me as I get to know artists, writers, musicians,

and business owners, scientists, teachers, engineers, carpenters, moms, bankers, pet sitters

Creative people from all walks of life

So it is done. It is what it is. I’m happy with my submission. Maybe it will turn to naught but another clip for my blog… or the start of my new radio show or podcast, or whatever. Just a reminder… you can listen to Creativity Is and vote. You have until June to vote (I’ll remind you again, don’t worry)